Breaking news! Solar power is going to ruin mankind! A brand new study out of the Wyoming Institute of Technology (WIT) proves that the anti-solar propaganda you have been seeing has not been exaggerated enough. You should all be thanking utilities, lobbyists, and politicians for trying to protect you. This study proved that solar panels are taking more energy from the sun than it receives, draining the sun of its finite, nonrenewable fuel.
Some of you may have believed the “History of Ameco” infographic we made, but we feel with this new (mis)information, it’s time we come clean about the founding of our business. In 1974, we were approached by Mole Men, I mean Mole People, to start a solar company. They didn’t tell us why, but when someone comes out of an abandoned subway tunnel with a stack of cash, you don’t ask questions. We can finally blame the 1973 Oil Crisis on the real culprits, #MolePeople. They were just driving demand for this “solar” and continue to this day with rising rates and gas over $4/gallon!
Thank you Halliburton for funding the WIT’s study and outing this horrible conspiracy. It really shocked us because it seems like the same propaganda “geologists” have been telling us, that we’re pumping oil out faster than we should. How long will it take to drain the sun of its energy? Well, according to “science,” the sun produces 23,000 TWy/year and humans use 16 TWy/year. We should be fair. 16 TWy/year was 2009 and it’s been 5 years… so let’s round it up to 28 TWy/year which is what the Mole People told us we’d use in 2050. So… we use a thousandth of the energy produced by the sun each year. We should take efficiency into account though. Solar is pretty inefficient and clocks in around 20%. Twenty percent of 23,000TWy/year is…. OH MY GOD, HAVE WE DOOMED THE EARTH?!
This all seems pretty light-hearted, but the study continues, Hallib… I mean WIT warns us that if every home in the world went solar, we could see a drop in global temperatures by 30 degrees in 20 years. Take that Al Gore! They continue to say that the sun could die out in 300 to 400 years. Looking back, this makes complete sense. Mole People love cold dark places…
Disclaimer: Truth be told, when I wrote this article, I thought the original author was serious about the study at WIT. If I even deserve a defense… I was forwarded an article not on NationalReport.net. Turns out they’re a satirical website… With the publicity that the original article got, and the fact that I didn’t find out until a week after writing it, that my source was fake… I really didn’t want to waste this #Unsustainable. Disclaimer so we don’t get sued: Halliburton didn’t fund this study because the study does not exist and what we wrote was also satirical, we did not start Ameco Solar with a generous gift from Mole People #Unfortunately.
Image Source: Kenneth Catania, Vanderbilt University